“It may be a fact that the sky seems blue to you. Even so, that does not mean that the sky is blue.” — Wayne Gerard Trotman
Differences
People are amazingly different from each other. This is so obvious it is a cliché. Still, the simple notion is profound. People ARE different. And while it’s true our differences lead to learning and delight, they also lead to frustration and fighting and divorce and war.
Differences come in many forms. Here are a few:
- Age
- Gender identity
- Race/ethnicity
- Personal history
- Beliefs
- Assumptions
- Values
- Response to stress
- Sense of humor
- Learning style
Curiosity
Instead of getting mad at differences, get curious. Whether the difference is with a single loved one or a group, see it as a puzzle and investigate. Research, reading things you wouldn’t usually read. Question yourself and the other about assumptions, history, how the world looks from that other vantage point. And listen. Listen not to formulate your response, but to hear something new, to learn, to find points of resonance. (For a brilliant example of this, check out Simon Sinek’s podcast on Extreme Listening with Deeyah Khan, about how a Muslim woman listened to, and really heard, white nationalist men. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kunkEfHiLI&ab_channel=SimonSinek )
Then, use your findings to do one of these:
- Honor the difference. Accept that people are different and it makes the world more interesting.
- Use the difference:
- Hire people who like to do what you don’t like doing.
- Oppose a position effectively by understanding it.
- Celebrate the difference. Life is richer because of differences. Solutions are stronger when they embrace differences.
Powerful Coaching Tip
When we accept our differences, we can appreciate how similar we are.
Coaching Questions
- With whom do you have differences that upset you?
- How might you see those differences with new eyes?
- When can you practice listening to learn?
