NANCY: A while ago, when my daughter died, healing wishes were coming from everywhere. People were very kind.
As soon as someone heard she had passed away, they quickly offered condolences. Their words came from their hearts, but I had trouble taking them in. Eventually, I began to relax and truly receive their offers of sympathy and love.
On the other hand, when someone paused and simply was with me, silently in the delicate moment of hearing the news, I felt received and soothed.
With spaciousness between us, I could tell them how this incredible being on earth, my daughter, brought so much love, joy, and laughter to people. When, or if appropriate, I could choose from stories of a woman who, for over 20 years, helped preschoolers experience how incredible they were, anecdotes of this courageous being who wouldn’t allow those close to her to whine, tales of this generous human whose golden heart was always available, creations of a brilliant writer and artist, dreams of this enthusiastic woman who joyfully knew she would soon be painting butterfly wings and fluffing up clouds.
In her last weeks of life, so many people took time to be with her. On hospice care, she was no longer in the pain she suffered for years. She was happy. She designed her hospice room, engaging every staff member, friend, and family member who visited her. The walls were filled with images of animals (a favorite thing of hers). There were more pandas in her room than in the zoo.
What I am learning: Yes, my daughter has passed into another realm. AND,
- Her brilliance is imprinted here in hearts and continues to be celebrated.
- There are so many layers of connection each relationship has for us.
- Times of sorrow can also be a time of celebration.
The experience of her passing and people’s response to it has taught me a profound lesson:
Pause, be still, and be with someone when they share news, especially major news. Listen with my heart, give them space, and see what else emerges between us.
Lovingly,
RelationSmiths, Nancy and Sharon
This week’s challenge: BE with people when they are hurting. What you say matters less than your way of being. Allow your heart to be still, present.
